Sensory Needs Aren’t Bad Behavior: Understand Your Child’s Sensitivities

Sensory Issues or “Bad” Behavior? How to Tell the Difference

Imagine you’re getting your child ready to leave the house. You’ve picked out a cute outfit, but as soon as the shirt goes over their head they start screaming. Within seconds there’s a full-blown tantrum and you’re left wondering, what happened? 

You may think your child is being defiant or difficult. But their behavior could be their body saying, “this texture hurts” or “this sound is too much.” Sensory needs aren’t bad behavior — they’re communication.

Parenting through sensory overload

Pediatric occupational therapist Katelin Stommes, OTR/L, says parents often come to her with confusion and frustration. They say, “There’s something wrong. We’re having huge tantrums, and I don’t know why my child is upset.”

Sensory needs are a real brain phenomenon, not signs of willful misbehavior. Children whose nervous systems are flooded with or craving sensory input are communicating through their actions. The Child Mind Institute explains that children with sensory processing challenges often exhibit dramatic mood swings and tantrums when faced with change, noise or bright light. These behaviors reflect a nervous system that is overwhelmed or starved for input, not a child plotting to push your buttons.

Misinterpreting sensory needs as misbehavior can lead parents to punish or ignore when the child actually needs help regulating their body. Reframing your mindset — What is this behavior telling me? — allows you to respond with empathy.

In this article, Katelin will help you: 

• Identify signs of hypersensitivity for the six sensory systems
• Understand why children can react so strongly to everyday stimuli
• Pinpoint potential sensory issues your child might have (quiz)
• Discover practical tools and strategies to help your child navigate stimulating situations
• Know when to talk to your pediatrician and seek help

What is sensory processing?

Sensory processing describes how the brain receives, organizes and responds to information from the senses. While most people think of the five senses, that’s not all. We also have a vestibular sense (balance and motion) and a proprioceptive sense (awareness of body position). Occupational therapists also recognize interoception, the internal sense that helps us notice our body’s signals like when we’re hungry, in pain, or need to go to the bathroom.

Understanding sensory issues in children

In most children, sensory processing happens automatically. For kids with sensory processing difficulties, the brain has trouble filtering or integrating sensory messages.

“Their body is noticing things that most people are able to filter out, or vice versa,” says Katelin. She explains that for a sound-sensitive child, a whirring fan becomes a loud roar, and the flush of an automatic toilet sounds like a jet engine. For a child with touch sensitivity, a clothing tag feels like a bug crawling under their shirt. Suddenly, all their squirming makes sense!

When their brain can’t synthesize all of these messages at once, it triggers a traffic jam, resulting in panic or shutdown.

Conversely, hyposensitive children may not register input that others do. They might need to spin, crash or bite to feel their bodies, or they may not notice pain or hunger. Learning to recognize the patterns helps parents offer the right kind of input to bring them back to calm.

Clinicians can recognize sensory processing disorder (SPD) in children who are over-responsive, under-responsive or crave certain types of sensory input. SPD commonly co-exists with neurodevelopmental conditions such as autism and ADHD, but it can also occur without any other diagnoses.

The six sensory systems and what they look like

The table below summarizes the six sensory systems occupational therapists consider and some common signs of hypersensitivity (over-response), hyposensitivity (under-response) or sensory seeking for each. Children may show one or many of these signs, and patterns can shift over time. Use the table as a starting point to observe your child with curiosity.

Signs your child might have a sensory issue

Tantrums can have many causes — so how do you know if sensory issues might be at the root of your child’s breakdowns?

Because sensory needs often show up as meltdowns, refusal or avoidance, they are easily mistaken for willful misbehavior. Katelin suggests pausing to ask why a child is refusing or struggling before assuming it’s defiance. Sometimes the answer is “it feels hard on my body.” 

Other things to watch for include: 

• Signs of escalation: A child might communicate that something is becoming too much before they melt down. For example, they might say something is too loud or cover their ears.
• Physical outbursts: Children with sensory processing issues might scream, throw tantrums, have high or low pain tolerances, or throw themselves on the floor. These reactions stem from an overwhelmed nervous system, not defiance.
• Sensory solutions: Supporting the sensory need — like changing the shirt or turning down the noise — often resolves the conflict.

Helping your child navigate big events and changes

Unfamiliar routines, crowds and sensory extremes make holidays, birthday parties and travel particularly challenging. Katelin recommends breaking events into predictable steps using social stories and visual schedules.

A social story is just what it sounds like: narrating what your child can expect to happen, as if they are the main character in a story. “Aiden will wake up, eat his breakfast, then brush his teeth like usual. He’ll get in his car with his dad, who will drive them to the dentist. When Aiden arrives, the receptionist at the desk will greet him with a smile, which will make Aiden feel welcome…”

You can create a visual schedule for something like a holiday gathering. It could include pictures of waking up, getting dressed, driving to Grandma’s house, greeting relatives and eating dinner before returning home. Together, you can remove each picture as the task is completed so your child knows what’s coming next. This helps them set expectations, as well as track progress through the unfamiliar day. 

Other strategies include:

• Prepare in advance. Read a story about the dentist or airport, visit the venue beforehand if possible, or watch videos together so the environment feels familiar.
• Use sensory circuits. Occupational therapists often structure sessions around three phases: alerting (big movement like jumping or swinging), organizing (balance activities or obstacle courses), and calming (sensory bins, deep breathing). A therapist can teach you how to incorporate a mini-circuit before meals or bedtime at home.
• Create a calm kit. Pack noise-reducing headphones, sunglasses, chewy necklaces, fidget toys or soft blankets for outings. Offer breaks in a quiet, dim space when signs of overload appear.
• Set expectations. Describe how long an activity will last and provide countdown warnings (“five more minutes of play, then we go home”). Praise their efforts to transition, even if it’s hard.

These approaches acknowledge that the event is inherently challenging and equip children with tools rather than expecting them to “tough it out.”

When to talk to your pediatrician about a sensory concern

All children have sensory preferences, and disliking scratchy tags doesn’t automatically mean there’s a disorder. However, it’s time to consult your pediatrician if sensory issues interfere with daily living. 

Katelin Stommes suggests asking, “Are there things in your kiddo’s day they’re not able to complete that you’re hoping they can?” Examples include getting dressed, brushing teeth, eating meals or going to school. 

If meltdowns are frequent, last longer than 15 minutes, occur daily, continue past age five or cause harm, schedule an evaluation with your pediatrician. They might refer you to an occupational therapist for an assessment and treatment.

“Our sessions are highly child-led,” says Katelin, who personalizes therapy to keep kids interested and engaged. “We tailor the interventions and goals to something they’re interested in.

By understanding the six sensory systems and observing your child’s patterns with empathy, you can replace frustration with curiosity and support. Work closely with your pediatrician and occupational therapist to create an environment where your child feels safe, understood and empowered.

Sensory quiz

This quiz is designed to help you notice patterns in your child’s reactions. It doesn’t diagnose any disorder, but it may reveal which sensory systems are being taxed so you can support them more effectively. 

For each question, choose the answer that best describes your child most of the time. After you’ve completed all five questions, tally the letters you chose most often.

Questions

1. When are meltdowns or refusals most likely to happen?
   A. Getting dressed, brushing hair or washing hands
   B. In noisy environments like restrooms, parties or crowds
   C. In bright, busy places like malls, grocery stores or classrooms
   D. During meals or when trying new foods
   E. In the car, on swings or when the environment moves
   F. When asked to stay in their own space or follow body cues (e.g., using the bathroom)

2. What does your child do when upset?
   A. Pulls at clothing, rubs or scratches skin, refuses to be touched
   B. Covers ears, hums or screams to block out noise
   C. Closes eyes, squints or insists on dim lighting
   D. Spits out food, gags or refuses to sit at the table
   E. Holds onto you for balance, avoids swings or constantly seeks spinning
   F. Bumps into people or objects, seems unaware of pain or personal space

3. What tends to calm your child?
   A. Deep pressure (tight hugs, weighted blankets) or soft fabrics
   B. Quiet spaces or noise-canceling headphones
   C. Turning off lights, reducing visual clutter or facing a wall
   D. Crunchy/chewy snacks or familiar flavors
   E. Movement like swinging, jumping or rocking
   F. Heavy work (pushing, pulling, carrying)

4. How does your child react to new experiences?
   A. Refuses new clothes or sensory activities like finger painting
   B. Avoids music class, loud toys or flushing toilets
   C. Overwhelmed by crowded parties or busy décor
   D. Very selective about food, smells everything before tasting
   E. Gets carsick or dizzy easily, dislikes elevators or escalators
   F. Doesn’t notice when they’re messy or injured, has trouble telling when they’re hungry or need the bathroom

5. Which description fits your child most closely?
   “The texture detective” – super sensitive to clothing, tags and touch
   B. “The sound sentinel” – hears everything and can’t ignore background noise
   C. “The visual viewer” – tuned into every movement and pattern
   D. “The picky palate” – struggles with textures, tastes and smells
   E. “The motion marine” – gets seasick or craves spinning and jumping
   F. “The boundary bender” – unsure where their body is, loves crashing or has high pain tolerance

Results

• Mostly As – Touch sensitivity: your child may be hypersensitive to tactile input. They might refuse certain fabrics, avoid messy play or melt down when their face gets wet. 
• Mostly Bs – Sound sensitivity: your child could be overloaded by auditory input. Even background noises that others tune out, like fans or toilets, can trigger panic.
• Mostly Cs – Visual sensitivity: your child may feel overwhelmed by bright lights or busy environments.
• Mostly Ds – Taste/Smell sensitivity: your child likely has a narrow comfort zone around food and odors. This often involves both taste and texture. 
• Mostly Es – Vestibular sensitivity: your child may struggle with movement and balance. Carsick episodes and fear of swings signal that their vestibular system is easily overwhelmed, while constant spinning or jumping means they crave input.
• Mostly Fs – Proprioceptive/interoceptive sensitivity: your child might not feel body cues well. They could bump into others, seek crashing or show high pain tolerance.

If you see a clear pattern, share it with your pediatrician or occupational therapist. They can help confirm whether your child is oversensitive, under-sensitive or sensory seeking in one or more systems and suggest personalized strategies.